for April 7
Tuesday of Holy Week

When my mother was slipping into dementia, she began to be troubled by a man who came through the ceiling and took things. Sometimes he returned them but put them someplace else. In an attempt to alleviate her distress at this frightening intrusion into her previously well-ordered life, my husband and I tried to figure out ways to challenge her understanding of the situation. Matthew took her cane and banged it on the ceiling to demonstrate the impossibility of anyone breaking through it, but to no avail. I, on the other hand, tried to appeal to the reasonableness that was an important part of her self-image. “Why would the man do that?” I asked her. “Oh,” she responded plaintively without missing a beat, “he just wants to mess with my mind.”

Sometimes it can seem like God is messing with our minds. We feel we’ve been living a pretty godly life, following the commandments, even going above and beyond on occasion, and then it all falls apart. Doesn’t God promise to at least support our best efforts, maybe even reward us for being a good and faithful servant? Is God really capricious after all, just toying with us because he has the power? Such an experience can send our mind to a dark place.

In the first reading, the second of the Suffering Servant Songs in the Book of Isaiah, the servant of whom the prophet speaks recalls an even deeper desolation. He knew himself to be created to do the work of God and he did so faithfully. He experienced an intimate relationship with God, lovingly named by Him while still in his mother’s womb, personally formed by Him to work on God’s behalf in the world, to show God’s glory to the world. Yet, though God sharpened and polished him, he experienced utter failure: “I thought I had toiled in vain, and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength.” I could imagine him making sense of this bitter disappointment by turning his back on God. But the servant perseveres in the relationship. And because he has remained available to God, God has now been able to use him for an even greater purpose, not just to liberate the Israelites in exile in Babylon, which is the context of the passage, but to bring salvation to the whole world. His faithfulness has been his vindication.

In the Gospel, Jesus is likewise facing suffering and the knowledge that it will be seen as a failure of his mission. He is poignantly sharing his final meal before his crucifixion with his closest friends, the disciples to whom he is entrusting the continuation of his mission. Yet they are completely at a loss as to what is happening. They don’t know who will betray Jesus, what will happen to him, or what will happen to them. At the eleventh hour, they still haven’t grasped the ghastly death that awaits Jesus or the resurrection that will turn failure into triumph. The turmoil in their minds is just beginning. Nonetheless, Jesus remains steadfast in his love both of them and of the Father whose will leads him to accept his suffering. His faithfulness will be his vindication and also finally break through the incomprehension of the disciples, enabling them to continue the work of the world’s salvation.

It’s safe to say the past month has messed with all our minds. We might feel ourselves pulled toward some dark places. Yet we continue to persevere, especially the health-care workers who are faithful to their healing mission even in the face of suffering and death. The whole world is caught up in this mind-blowing crisis, but God’s light also shines on the whole world. In the reassuring words of the psalm: “In you, O Lord, I take refuge . . . for you are my rock and my fortress.”
—Christine Szczepanowski

Today’s readings can be found on the US Catholic Conference of Bishops website.